It Doesn't Make Sense

Thursday, March 24, 2011 at 9:49 PM
If my sorrow doesn't matter, it doesn't make sense to cry.

If my achievement doesn't matter, it doesn't make sense to try.

If my words don't matter matter, it doesn't make sense to talk.

If the journey doesn't matter, it doesn't make sense to walk.

If the ending doesn't matter, it doesn't make sense to begin.

If my death doesn't matter, it doesn't make sense to live.

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?

Saturday, September 04, 2010 at 9:55 AM
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,

Vampire's Pledge of Honor

Friday, June 25, 2010 at 7:55 PM
I pledge my allegiance and loyalty to the Royal Family of Vampires. I give my mind, strength, and body for their use, however they deem necessary. May my life be given in sacrifice for their defense. Should I ever betray this oath, I forfeit the gift of rebirth for the icy touch of eternal solitude. For you I feast. For you I starve. For you I live. For you I die. Noctis Finis.

Your fidelity is accepted and our gratitude is given. You have our protection and our love. For you we feast. For you we starve. For you we fight. For you we bleed. For you we live. For you we die. Noctis Finis.

Some Time for Me

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 at 9:22 AM
I feel the warmth of sunlight
As it shines upon my face.
I taste the salty water
As I lie here in this place.

I hear the chirps of little birds
As they sing up in their trees.
I feel the life in all the grass
As the blades tickle my knees.

And all the world is peaceful
In this place that’s just for me,
There’s nothing now to worry about
Just calm serenity.

But soon the magic’s over
And my eyes open to see,
The many different people
Who always seem to need me.

My advice is always better
Than some stranger who’s next door,
And my time must be so special,
For they’re always wanting more.

And I will always give it
For that is who I am,
And I’ll never know how doing it
Has ruined all my plans.

And though I may remember
That place made just for me,
I never shall return there
For people just won’t let me be.

It’s not that I don’t love them,
Because I truly do,
It’s just I want so time for me,
Don’t you?

-Lisa Henderson


Saturday, October 17, 2009 at 4:07 PM
Buttons, cords, linen and twine,
Someday you will be mine.

I'll lock you up and tie you tight,
And love you with all my might.

Now don't you worry, don't you fret
You'll never go without my pet.

Food and clothes, adventure galore,
Everything you want and more.

So come to me and don't you fear
These things can all be yours my dear.

But these things do come with a price
All I ask your eyes.

-Lisa Henderson

Different Drums

Thursday, November 27, 2008 at 12:28 PM
If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

If I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

If my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

If I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.

I do not for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will only come when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then open yourself, so that someday these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and may finally appear to you to be right - for me. To put up with me is the first step to understanding me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.

- Unknown

M*A*S*H Quotes

Tuesday, October 28, 2008 at 9:17 PM
I will not carry a gun Frank. When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!
- Hawkeye

What a unique device, the human tush. An architectural wonder, one of a kind...actually two of a kind. Designed to support our weight for a lifetime of sitting it also has the subtlety to do the samba. And when attached to certain members of the female species at a time when light summer dresses are worn, can cause some of us to drive our cars straight up a lamppost.
- Hawkeye

So bored.
So bored it's boring.
Boronus, Boretis, Boremus. I came, I saw, I bored.
He bored, she bored, they bored.
All aboard.
I was gonna say that!
- Hawkeye & BJ

I can take umbridge, I can take the cake, I can take the A-train, I can take two and call me in the morning, but I cannot take this sitting down. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna take five.
- Hawkeye